The Impeded Stream, Part Deux

I am really struggling with finding the motivation to work on my French course, required for my Bachelor of Arts Degree.  And so I have avoided it instead, and have been overeating, and watching Netflix.  All my creative projects have been put on hold so I can finish this degree, and yet I still find time to waste watching multiple seasons of various episodic crap.   This is truly a challenge I’m being tested with, because having to complete a language credit by learning French is not what I enjoy doing.  I am completing an English and Creative Writing Degree and I enjoy the challenge of English courses, and the artistic nature of Creative Writing courses.  French, I don’t enjoy it.  So this is it, I either want this degree bad enough to preserve with the French and finish it, or I don’t want it bad enough.  Yes or no, plain and simple.  I cannot rely on support from others in this endeavor.  I have to find it within myself to get this done.

I know the piece of paper (the degree) “means nothing.”  It does not have a practical application in my life at it stands at this time.  However, I feel that it means something if I don’t finish it.  All that matters is how I feel about completing it or not.  Therefore, if I continue to avoid working on the French, and therefore fail my upcoming exams, it will be because I really didn’t want to finish the degree badly enough to do something I dislike, which is the French.  If I buckle down and study everyday from now until February 13, then I guess that means I want to finish my degree badly enough to make myself study something I find less than enjoyable.  The enjoyment will be in the completion.

Here I sit, a total of 126 credits to complete my honours degree, with just 12 credits to go.  I wonder if everyone this close to completing their university degree, faces some of the same internal challenge questions?  Why do I keep going?  What am I trying to prove?  I can see the finish line, but it is so far from where I started, I’m just not sure what crossing that line is going to mean for me.

In French verbs like acheter (to buy), amener (to bring), emmener (to take), the letter e which precedes the final consonant in the stem takes an accent grave (è) before a silent ending: J’achète, tu achètes, il achète, ils achètent, but nous achetons, vous achetez.

Why do I keep hitting myself over the head with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop.  (I got that from Grey’s Anatomy, all ten season available now on Netflix for your viewing pleasure).

And I totally get it.


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